You Can Do Anything You Want ...

... When You Put You Mind - And Heart - To It!

Many of us are brought up with the adage that we can achieve anything providing we put our minds to it ... which is probably fair and accurate to a degree.

However, over the last year or so, I've been experiencing - both within myself and with my clients - that whilst this can certainly help us achieve what (we think) we want, it won't necessarily mean we're aspiring for what's right for us.

In other words, things like our beliefs, our ego, our personal agenda, etc, all get in the way ... and often these are the cause of us seeking to achieve and obtain "things" we believe are right for us, but in fact are nothing of the kind.

And this is where the heart steps in ... because it is the heart that so often is the source of genuine inspiration that motivates and compels into manifesting what's right for our life. It's the place where we find passion, desire, drive, tenacity, wisdom, courage, compassion, understanding, reason, and so much more ...

The great things is that when we look at these "components," we see they're all positive and productive, as opposed to many of those guided by the mind which are all too often negative and self-limiting.

So I guess what I'm saying here is that when we open our heart and connect with the reality of our lives, we're able to better understand what it is we want and how to achieve it.

What are your experiences of this?

Step Out Of Your Comfort Zone

What happens when we choose to remain in the realm of our comfort zone? We neglect to take the opportunities that could otherwise expand our lives and create more joy, more value, and more benefit for both ourselves and others. The result? We remain where we are, forever wondering about how much greater our life would be if only we were to break free of our self-imposed shackles. The solution? To smash through the gremlin of self-doubt by understanding the values of courage, passion and determination.

Are You?

Wishing You Could Break Through Whatever’s Holding You Back?
Frustrated That You Could Be Achieving So Much More?
Prepared To Challenge Yourself?

Begin making the transformation today!

What’s In It For You?

Leave Your Self-Limiting Beliefs Behind
Make A Difference In Yourself And Others
Create Opportunities And Expand Your Horizons

By stepping out of our comfort zone, we find ourselves “stepping up to the plate” and revealing more and more of our innate potential. No longer do we look at ourselves through the lens of doubt, instead we wake up to the reality of our life and see the greatness that only we can manifest.

How do we achieve this? Simple – we get clear about our values and inspirations and transform them into compelling motivators for change. To begin with we ask questions of ourselves including: “What difference is it going to make?” “Who are the beneficiaries?” and “What opportunities may arise as a result?” This is where our values show up … then our inspirations … then over time, these turn into compelling factors that motivate us to the extent that we cannot not carry through with them. Result – the gremlin gets defeated and we move into a place of courage, passion and determination.

INQUIRY: Cast your mind back over recent weeks to when you had the opportunity to step out of your comfort zone but chose not to. Go through the questions above and get clear about what you could have achieved had you done so.

ACTION: Now look at the opportunities you have ahead of you … ask yourself the same questions … expand on them … which of your values do they call on … what is your inspiration … what motivates you to see them through to the extent that you cannot not carry through with them? Get clear about the benefits and make them a reality.

Make a habit of stepping out of your comfort zone

Visit www.rightlifecoaching.co.uk now for information on how to live a better life!

Best wishes

Simon

Discover The Benefits Of Expressing Gratitude

What happens when we neglect to feel and show gratitude for all the “things” we have in life – both the good and the not so good? We send out a statement that says:” Look at me - I don’t appreciate what I already have, therefore what right do I have to expect more of the same or better?” The result? We receive less abundance and benefit and understanding than we would otherwise deserve … and risk becoming more and more greedy and needy, or resentful and begrudging. The solution? To discover how expressing gratitude for everything in our life is in fact a way of accepting challenge as well welcoming further growth and abundance.

EXERCISE: Wheel of Gratitude

The Good Things In Life

This exercise is about creating a picture of all the “things” you are grateful for and appreciative of in life. Once complete, it will serve to deepen your understanding of where you are right this moment, and where you want to be.

Print a copy of the illustration below. List inside each segment all the things you are grateful for, including both the good and the not so good. Duplicates are allowed, e.g. you may include ‘best friend’ in both Family & Friends and Environment.

Once you’ve completed all the areas, take another look and add anything else that comes to mind.

Taking each area in turn, describe how you feel about the things you’ve listed. How much do they mean to you? What impact do they have on your life? How can they help you now and in the future?

Sample replies may include: Lucky … thankful … grateful … happy … okay …appreciative … average … challenging … valuable … important … lessons learned … could be better … better than it was … close … privileged … excited …

Elaborate on your comments.

What More Do You Want?

Take another look at the illustration and in the space around the outside, list the things you want to improve or develop or add to your life for each segment.

Circle those that are most important to you right now. Describe the impact they would have on your life and environment. What are the benefits and values?

What actions are you taking? What causes are you making? And how much do you have to change your attitude to gratitude in order to help manifest them?

For the next thirty days, turn the above into a plan of action and make it a reality. Get ready to welcome greater abundance, opportunity and growth into your life.

Make A Habit Of Expanding Your Life Through The Expression Of Gratitude

Visit www.rightlifecoaching.co.uk now for information on how to live a better life!

Best Wishes

Simon

"Gratitude is not only the greatest of virtues, but the parent of all others." Cicero

Transform Negative "Reactions" Into Positive "Proactions"

What happens when we let ourselves become dominated by negative responses to life, e.g. destructive behaviour patterns, negative emotions, apathy, etc? We find ourselves getting “worked up,” often to the detriment of our own wellbeing as well as to those around us. The result? We risk becoming increasingly angry and bitter about aspects of our life that we believe we have little or no control over. The solution? To explore the reality behind these actions and emotions, and transform them into positive causes.

Are You?

Too Easily “Affected” By Your Environment?
Guilty Of Feeling Anger And/Or Resentment?
Often Letting Yourself And Others Down As A Result?

Begin making the transformation today!

What’s In It For You?

Discover The Reality Behind These “Reactions”
Develop Ways Of Recognising And Countering Them
Master How To Transform Them Into Positive and Proactive Causes

By learning to transform our negative “reactions” into positive “proactions”, we create a far healthier state of physical and emotional wellbeing for ourselves and our environment. In turn, we become increasingly capable and responsible as individuals, and when faced with greater challenges we automatically find ourselves better equipped to deal with them and move on.

How do we achieve this? Simple – first we have to acknowledge what it is that’s encouraging us to react in this way and then turn it around so as to create something more positive. For example, instead of reacting aggressively to a particular comment, we can learn to respond more appropriately by understanding what triggered that reaction coupled with its negative impact on ourselves and our environment. As soon as we’ve got to grips with the cause, we’re able to turn it on its head and understand what it is we need to be or do differently. Another example: instead of responding with a defeatist, “I can’t do anything about it,” try saying, “I understand it’s been difficult in the past, but this time I’m going to look at alternatives.” Result – in addition to becoming far happier and resilient in ourselves, we naturally radiate the benefits of such actions to others.

INQUIRY: Take a look back at some recent situations when you allowed yourself to react negatively or angrily. What triggered this behaviour? What were your emotions and feelings before, during and after? Had you responded in a more proactive manner, what would you have done differently and what would have been the outcome?

ACTION: For the next thirty days, explore the reality that’s causing you to react negatively to your life and your environment. Learn from the above and check in with any emotions and feelings. Get to grips with what it is you need to be and do differently and put it into action. Notice the difference you create within yourself and those around you.

Make A Habit Of Transforming Negative "Reactions" Into Positive "Proactions"

Visit www.rightlifecoaching.co.uk/ now for information on how to live a better life!

Best Wishes

Simon

“Man must cease attributing his problems to his environment, and learn again to exercise his will - his personal responsibility.” Albert Einstein

Learn To Build And Trust In InterDependent Relationships

What happens when we feel the need to impress by trying to “do it all” ourselves? We let ego get in the way of reality, and subsequently place pressure on ourselves. The result? We take on too much and end up making mistakes or failing to get things done “as and when expected.” In turn, we invite ridicule and judgment from ourselves, our friends and family, and our colleagues. The solution? To build relationships with those around us so to collectively share our skills, experience and resource.

Are You?

Constantly Trying To Impress By Taking On Too Much?
Thinking You Can “Do It All?”
Listening To Your Ego Instead Of Your Integrity?

Begin making the transformation today!

What’s In It For You?

Develop And Strengthen New And Existing Relationships
Discover The Benefits Of Sharing Wisdom And Responsibility
Learn How Collaboration Is Key To Success

By learning to work and share with others, we develop greater trust and understanding in ourselves, and greater respect and appreciation for our environment. In turn, we build positive and constructive alliances that produce valuable and proactive solutions for all concerned.

How do we achieve this? Simple – we push our ego to one side and acknowledge what it is we “bring to the table” and what it is we need assistance with. In doing so we move ourselves into a place of integrity that encourages genuine results through collaboration, thus preventing our ego dictating what we must to do to impress (either ourselves or someone else). Result – our natural-self radiates both within and without, attracting both greater relationships and greater opportunities.

INQUIRY: Take a look back at some recent occasions where you tried “doing it all” for the sake of making an impression. How often and how much did you let your ego dictate? What were the outcomes? Had you been coming more from a place of integrity what could you have done differently?

ACTION: For the next thirty days, be open and honest with yourself when faced with such opportunities. If your ego leaps in asking to be fed, shove it to one side and look at where you can collaborate for greater success. Notice how by revealing your integrity you naturally develop a stronger relationship with yourself and with those around you.

Make A Habit Of Learning To Build And Trust In InterDependent Relationships

Visit www.rightlifecoaching.co.uk/ now for information on how to live a better life!

Best Wishes

Simon

“Integrity without knowledge is weak and useless, and knowledge without integrity is dangerous and dreadful,” Samuel Johnson

Create Win/Win Outcomes

What happens when we go through life looking only at what’s in it for us? We get selfish, we get greedy, and we get dependent on getting more of the same. The result? Our lives become attached to this way of being, often to the degree that we manifest a blatant disregard for others and our relationships. In turn, we become blinkered to the destructive nature of our actions and give rise to provocation and resentment. The solution? To create an outcome that ensures a win for all those involved.

Are You?

Constantly Working Out What’s In It For You?
Guilty Of Taking From Others Purely So You Can Benefit Yourself?
Aware Of The Negativity And Ill-Feeling Caused By This?

Begin making the transformation today!

What’s In It For You?

Unleash The Power Of Integrity
Discover How Mutual Benefit Serves All Those Involved
Learn How Winning Is About Giving, Not Just Taking

By seeking ways to manifest mutual gain, we develop trust and respect within ourselves and throughout our environment. In turn, we build stronger and more inter-dependent relationships that form the bedrock of future abundance. The path to creating this is to wake up, take a look at ourselves and step into a place of integrity.

How do we achieve this? Simple – when faced with the opportunity to manifest a win/win outcome, we must adopt the abundance mentality in believing there to be plenty of positivity and benefit in this for all concerned. When the other party is open to working in this way too, we have the green light to go ahead and achieve exactly this. If, on the other hand, the other party is disinterested in such a relationship, then we must determine whether or not we should continue any further. Result – our integrity blossoms and our relationship-building skills come to the fore in providing winning outcomes long into the future.

INQUIRY: Take a look back at some recent opportunities where you sought only to create a winning outcome for yourself. What were your intentions? How did you feel? What could you have done differently that created something of benefit for the other party?

ACTION: For the next thirty days, find ways to manifest mutual benefit in more and more of your relationships. Notice how different you feel.

Make A Habit Of Creating Win/Win Outcomes

Visit www.rightlifecoaching.co.uk/ now for information on how to live a better life!

Best Wishes

Simon

“Earth provides enough to satisfy every man’s need, but not every man’s greed,” Mahatma Gandhi

Look For The Opportunity In Everything

What happens when we focus on the negative side of life instead of the positive? We miss out on seeing the breadth of opportunities that would otherwise enable us to develop and strengthen our lives. The result? We end up journeying on a downward spiral, feeling that no matter what we do, we simply won’t win. The solution? To start seeing everything in our life as an opportunity for growth; every encounter, every incident, and even every challenge.

Are You?

Constantly Focusing On The Negative Side Of Life?
Feeling The World’s Against You?
Fed Up Of This Constant Battle?

Begin making the transformation today!

What’s In It For You?

Discover Everything In Your Life Is An Opportunity For Growth
Learn How Challenges Are The Proving Ground For Future Success
Realise Every Encounter You Have Has Something From Which You Can Learn

By adopting the habit of seeing only the negative side of life, we risk standing still in our lives, or even going backwards. We also find ourselves becoming increasingly resistant to change. In a strange way, this leads us toward attracting more of the same just so we can feed our ego with another dose of “I knew it wouldn’t work,” or “I told you the world’s against me,” or “What else can go wrong?” In short, our life becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy of condemnation. The way to defeat this is to seek out the opportunities and lessons, and to act on them accordingly.

How do we achieve this? Simple – we ask ourselves questions like, “What can I learn from this situation?” “What will I achieve by overcoming this?” and “What do I need to do differently next time?” By adopting this more positive outlook, we naturally seek ways to learn and move forward. In turn, we discover how the world isn’t against us; it’s merely the way we perceive it. Result - we’re the ones back in the driving seat, and subsequently we’re the ones determining to take out the positives and use them constructively in our lives.

INQUIRY: Take a look back at some recent encounters, incidents and challenges that you chose not to see as opportunities. What could you have learned on each occasion? What opportunities were there for the taking? What will you do differently next time?

ACTION: For the next thirty days, put these determinations into action. Using this same mindset apply it in other areas of your life too. Over time, this will become second nature, and you’ll start seeking opportunities in everything you do. If things don’t work out at first, do not be disheartened. Instead, review what you’ve learned and re-determine again.

Make A Habit Of Looking For The Opportunity In Everything

Visit

www.rightlifecoaching.co.uk/ now for information on how to live a better life!

Best Wishes

Simon

"Too many people are thinking of security instead of opportunity; they seem more afraid of life than of death." James F. Bymes

Get Clear About Your Life Purpose

Do you wake each morning looking forward to the day ahead? Do you love what you do? Do you feel you’re being of service to others by creating benefit and value in your environment? If your answers sound anything like “no”, then it’s likely you’re not yet living the life that’s right for you. The result? You’re living out of habit with a routine that serves only to help you exist as opposed to live. The solution? To get clear about what it is you really should be doing with your life, to start living it and to realise the wonderful benefits for you and your environment

Are You?

Fed Up With Where You Are Right Now – Perhaps Even Resentful?
Wishing You Were Doing Something More Meaningful Each Day?
Sensing It’s Time You Did Something About It?

Begin making the transformation today!

What’s In It For You?

Discover What It Is That You Really Should Be Doing With Your Life
Transform It Into Reality
Revel In The Benefits That Come Your Way As Your Environment Seeks To Support You

By sticking to the same old routine of existing as opposed to living, we risk forming a habit that serves only to frustrate us. We slip out of alignment with our inner self, and because of this we fail to express our potential and the magnificence of the person we really are. The way to cut through this is to wake up to our calling – to discover what it is that motivates us to be of service and to make a difference.

How do we achieve this? Simple – we first need to discover our unique qualities and motivators for creating change, then set about applying them in our interactions with others. As we continue in this way, we begin expressing ourselves more naturally. In turn, we become compelled to make an even greater difference and do so by organising other areas of our life into alignment with this way of being and doing. Result – we open up to who we really are and find ourselves expressing a genuine love for life. We also benefit from the support of our environment as all manner of opportunities appear to help us on our way.

INQUIRY: Make a note of your core values and unique personal qualities. List some of the ways in which you enjoy expressing these when interacting with others. How can you call on them to make a difference? What more can you be and do to build on this?

ACTION: For the next thirty days, make this a reality by putting the above into action. Notice how different you feel, and the effect you have on your environment. Perhaps there’s a way you could make a living from this? If so, check it out – what’s the first step? Trust in yourself - grab the initiative and make it happen. You’ll never know the difference you can make until you’ve made it.

Make A Habit Of Getting Clear About Your Life Purpose

Visit

http://www.rightlifecoaching.co.uk/ now for information on how to live a better life!

Best Wishes

“Everyone has his own specific vocation or mission in life; everyone must carry out a concrete assignment that demands fulfilment. Therein he cannot be replaced, nor can his life be repeated, thus everyone’s task is unique as his specific opportunity,“ Viktor Frankl

Give More To Get More

What happens when we allow greed to get the better of us? Typically we end up wanting more of the same - and beyond - convincing ourselves we’re on a roll and that we deserve all that’s coming our way. Once in this routine we can easily find ourselves becoming ever-more dependent, believing satisfaction to exist only in the constant fuelling of our desires. The result? We risk become blinkered to our environment, and think more of feeding ourselves than those around us. The solution? To learn the importance of giving, because in doing so, we’re making a cause that helps others as well as ourselves.

Are You?

Always Taking Whatever Comes Your Way Without Giving Back?
Constantly On The Look Out For More?
Frightened To Give For Fear Of Not Receiving Anything By Return?

Begin making the transformation today!

What’s In It For You?

Discover How Great It Is To Give Without Expecting By Return
Learn The Importance Of ‘Paying It Forward’
Watch Your Life Expand As Your Efforts Return To You With Interest

By allowing ourselves to become consumed by greed, we lose sight of our core values - our focus becomes insular and we seek more and more to be of service to ourselves rather than to others. With such short-sightedness sure to cost us in the end, we must strive to see the reality of our desires and develop ways of being and doing that create benefit for others as well as ourselves.

How do we achieve this? Simple – we start giving to others without making demands that we receive something by return. Examples include spending time with those who are important to us, supporting those who are struggling, and even simply doing what we can to keep our word. More than anything it’s about ‘paying it forward’ through compassion and willing. Result – we become increasingly genuine and understanding as a human being, which in turn reaps benefits for all as a result of the sincerity in our cause.

INQUIRY: Be honest and ask yourself how often you feel greed getting the better of you. What effect has this had for both you and those around you; your family; your friends; and your colleagues? What is the reality that motivates this way of being and doing? What would be the benefits of transforming this into a more selfless way of life?

ACTION: Make a list of the people you should be spending more time with; the people you should be supporting; the promises you need to keep. Get a feel for the benefits you could be creating for those other than yourself - these are all good causes for which you will be rewarded.

For the next thirty days, start putting these into action; call these people; spend time with them; discover what you can do for them. Be sure to come from a place of sincerity or they may feel you’re after something. If at first this feels alien, get curious as to the reasons behind this before transforming them into ways of being and doing. Be sure not to expect anything by return. Instead, build on that sincerity you’ve been bringing to the fore and let it shine through. At the same time, continue re-investing in your life all the benefits that come your way.

Make A Habit Of Giving More To Get More

Visit

http://www.rightlifecoaching.co.uk/ now for information on how to live a better life!

Best Wishes

Simon

Allow The Opportunity To Trust In Yourself

What happens when we allow our self-limiting beliefs to form barriers that prevent us achieving what we know is right for us? More often than not they end up doing exactly that – keeping us pinned in so as to prevent us winning and moving forward. Take a look at these as examples; “I’ll never get the chance to make it up to them,” or “I’ll never be offered that job,“ or “I’ll never get them to listen to me.” The result? Our attitude forms a level of expectancy that regularly manifests into reality – something we can have few qualms about. The solution? To allow ourselves the opportunity of winning by at least giving ourselves a chance.

Are You?

Often Held Back By Self-Limiting Beliefs?
Beaten Before You’ve Had A Go?
Wishing You Could Smash Through And Win?

Begin making the transformation today!

What’s In It For You?

Move Away From All This Negativity Into A Place Of Growth
Discover The Benefits Of ‘Allowing’ Opportunities To Unfold
Learn How To Develop Trust And Belief In Yourself

By shifting ourselves into this state of ‘allowing’, we unconsciously open our hearts and minds to the possibility of manifesting exactly what it is that is right for our life. Sometimes that means looking at what it is we need to achieve and taking the relevant action; other times that means simply developing trust within ourselves and our environment – in other words, ’allowing’ the opportunity to unfold. While the former can be perceived as the more practical and ‘hands-on,’ it is often the latter that conspires to have us intuitively taking the right action even when we’re totally unaware of it.

How do we achieve this? Simple – we throw all judgments and self-doubt to one side, and open ourselves to the possibility of winning. For example, here’s how we would turn around the aforementioned situations; “… I will create an opportunity to make it up to them,“ and “… I will be offered that job,” and “… I will find some way of helping them listen to me.“ Ultimately it’s about going one step further than simply developing a positive mindset – it’s about believing in what is right for our life and trusting that we and our environment will manifest this accordingly. Result – we smash through and leave behind those self-limiting beliefs, enabling us to advance forward and expand our lives and our horizons.

INQUIRY: How often are you held back by a lack of self-belief and optimism? Without this thought, how much better would your life be? What more could you create and achieve?

ACTION: For the next thirty days, ‘allow’ yourself the benefit of feeling positive and abundant regarding your goals and determinations. If at any time you feel gripped by self-limiting beliefs, shove them aside and step into a place of creativity and opportunity. Open your heart and mind to the possibility of winning. Practice how it feels. If necessary, release attachment to outcome and simply trust in yourself and your environment. Notice how much more positive you feel. Continue putting this into practice and experience your life moving forward with opportunity and abundance.

Make A Habit To Allow The Opportunity To Trust In Yourself

Visit

http://www.rightlifecoaching.co.uk/ now for information on how to live a better life!

Best Wishes

Simon

Move Away From Using The Word "Why"

How do we feel when someone comes at us with a “Why” question, e.g. “Why haven’t you done …?” “Why do you always … ?“ or “Why do you never …?” Immediately we’re made to feel we’re the one at fault - we’re the one with the ‘problem’. In turn, it becomes easy for us to jump on the defensive, perhaps retaliating out of anger or closing up through insecurity. Either way it’s often counter-productive. And that’s exactly what can happen when we too ask someone a “Why” question. It even happens when we ask it of ourselves, e.g. “Why am always late for …” or “Why do I keep making that same mistake?” The solution? To come from a place of understanding so as to invite the other party to share more easily and openly.

Are You?

Always Asking “Why?” Of Other People (Or Yourself)?
Guilty Of Constantly Coming Across As Angry And Accusatory?
Feeling Yourself Getting More And More Stressed As A Result?

Begin making the transformation today!

What’s In It For You?

Learn How To Help Others Become More Receptive To You
Gain Their Trust And Support
Discover The Benefits Of Applying This Within Yourself Too

By moving from a place of accusation to a place of encouragement, we automatically invite ourselves and others to be more sharing and open. In other words, by making the change within, we create the change without. Key to this is transforming both our mindset and our choice of words – only then can we detach ourselves from the feelings of anger and frustration that we all too easily allow ourselves to attract.

How do we achieve this? Simple – we swap the word “Why” for something more open, e.g. “What are the reasons for … ?” “What happened to make …?” “For what reason …?” Once in this habit, we develop a more productive mindset and set of feelings. Not only do these radiate within us, they also reach out into our environment and invite constructive dialogue that reaps reward as opposed to condemnation. Result – we feel more open and accepting of ourselves and encourage others to feel the same – it’s as simple as that.

INQUIRY: Take a look back over the last few days at the number of occasions where you used a “Why” question. What kind of feeling did you associate with it? What kind of response did you receive? How much better could it have been had you been more understanding?

ACTION: For the next thirty days, stop yourself from asking “Why” and adopt a warmer approach. Get in touch with the way you’re feeling and notice how it radiates out. Listen to those who respond to you. Develop this more and more each day and watch how your relationships grow.

Make A Habit Of Moving Away From Using The Word "Why”

Visit http://www.rightlifecoaching.co.uk/ now for information on how to live a better life!

Best Wishes

Simon

Gratitude Pt II

Having covered a few elements on gratitude back in April, I thought I’d write something new coming from a different perspective.

Over the summer, it was brought to my attention that it’s important to show gratitude not just for what we already have in life, but also for the things we acquire. The philosophy behind this is that only once we learn to be thankful and respectful for that which we gain, can we expect to gain more of the same.

Money is a typical example: on a professional level it can be great to pick up a pay rise, a bonus or some extra commission. On the surface these are all great benefits - naturally dependant on any knock-on effect from additional work commitments - but if everything works out well then we should be grateful for them. On a personal level it can be equally great to have an overdraft increased, a loan accepted, or to be lent a few extra pounds by a best friend when we really need it. Once again it’s for us to decide if its appropriate - especially if it encourage us to spend money unnecessarily and perhaps get futher into debt (another topic altogether) - but we should still be grateful. If they’re not right for us, then we must decline the offer.

Furthermore, we should express gratitude for all the other little bonuses that come our way, e.g. discounts on food, household items, cars, holidays, temporary loan rates, etc. And if someone buys us a gift, e.g. a “moving in” present, be grateful too. Imagine these as examples: your car breaks down and the cheapest estimate comes in at £500 - unimpressed, you speak to some friends and one of them refers a mechanic to you who gets the job done for half the cost; you move home without any furniture and a friend offers you a pair of sofas in excellent condition for £50 because they’re having them replaced; a friend suddenly pays back the £100 she borrowed from you a year ago when you’d given up on it knowing how much she was struggling financially. All of these outcomes deserve some degree of thanks because they’re each providing you with a benefit of some kind. That’s not to say that money is the “be all and end all” of everything - far from it - but it sures helps to save some especially when you need it most. Speaking of which, such savings could be used more positively and more beneficially elsewhere, couldn’t they? Let’s say you’ve saved £250 on having your car repaired, and feel so relieved by it that you take your partner out for that meal you’d been promising for weeks! Or you take that £100 from your friend and put it towards the cost a training course you’d been saving up for.

Another thing - as mentioned in the original Gratitude post, it’s sometimes appropriate for us to show gratitude to the person/organisation concerned in the form of words, a letter, an email, a text, etc. Other times it may be better for us to simply offer thanks to the universe. By doing this, we’re strengthening our respect, both for ourself and for life in general.

Gratitude is such a huge topic that other aspects will be covered in the near future, e.g. gratitude for those little moments that “help us out” during the day, through to gratitude for challenging and overcoming obstacles in our life. But before moving that far ahead, take a look below …

INQUIRY: What is your definition of gratitude? How often do you express it, both inwardly and outwardly? What are the differences in how you feel?

ACTION: Every day for a month, make yourself aware of the incidences when you should be expressing gratitude. Note how you respond - do you express something or do you let the moment go by with barely a thought or care? Familiarise yourself with the feeling of gratitude, especially if you feel awkward expressing it. Build up your courage daily until it becomes a habit that you feel in rhythm with. How does it impact your respect, both for yourself and others? And what other transformations does it create in your inner self?

Take Ownership Of Your "Issues"

What happens when we keep “passing the buck” and blaming others for our own errors and shortcomings? We get a reputation as a shirker – a liability who won’t accept being made accountable. Not only does this do us no favours at all in the eyes of others, it also means we’re less likely to learn from the incident because we’ve already convinced ourselves it’s somebody else’s “fault.” The solution? To take ownership of the incident and make amends in the best possible way.

Are You?

Honest Enough To Admit You’re Often “Passing The Buck”?
Losing Trust And Respect As A Result?
Determined Instead To Take Ownership?

Begin making the transformation today!

What’s In It For You?

Learn How To Turn All Such Negatives Into Positives
Gain Newfound Trust And Respect From Self And Others
Watch As Your Life And Opportunities Expand

Only by taking ownership in this way do we give ourselves the chance to learn and progress and make a difference. If we don’t then we remain as we are – motionless, dismissive and devoid of respect. Seeing it from this perspective, we realise there really is only one way forward – to refrain from blaming our environment (family, friends, colleagues, etc) and instead take absolute ownership of all that we do.

How do we achieve this? Simple – we start by being honest with ourselves and progress to becoming honest with those around us. Once in this habit, we open our lives to positive change and notice it rippling out into our environment. Most importantly, we develop trust and respect within ourselves and from others. Result – our integrity comes to the fore and our relationships and opportunities expand – it’s as simple as that.

INQUIRY: Take a look back over the last few weeks at the number of occasions where you “passed the buck” instead of taking ownership. What made you do that? What could you have done differently?

ACTION: For the next thirty days, take ownership of your errors and shortcomings. Act with integrity and be honest with yourself and others. Notice how much better you feel and the difference you’re able to make. Stretch yourself a little more each day.

Make A Habit Of Taking Ownership Of Your "Issues"

Visit www.rightlifecoaching.co.uk now for information on how to live a better life!

Best Wishes

Simon

Life-State - What Is It?

Essentially our lifestate is the moment-to-moment strength we have when dealing with everyday life. One moment we can be up, the next we can be down. For example, let's say we're in a rush to reach somewhere important and hit some traffic - for many of us that means our lifestate becoming one of anger - then we glance across at an Aston Martin joining the lane next to us - envy - the phone rings and it's someone form work informing us a tricky problem has just been solved - relief - steadily the traffic begins to disperse and for a few moments we let ourselves feel almost happy - then the phone rings again - this time it's our partner telling us our child has fallen ill at school and needs picking up - once again, our lifestate is on the move, and so it continues moment by moment.

When - as with the example above - we allow our environment to control our lifestate, we invite all manner of consequences ... We become dictated to by events ... We become attached to outcomes ... We become dependant on externals. In other words, when things are going well we're "happy", or so we believe, but when things are going not so well we're "unhappy". And when things get really tough, what do we do then? Hide ourselves away by doing something we shouldn't? Perhaps we rush out and get drunk, start smoking again, have a fling, change jobs, give someone a piece of our mind, lash out, go on a spending spree, etc. Typically these are reactions, albeit some more spontaneous than others. That's not to say they're inherently wrong per se - that's down to each individual's circumstances - but neither does it say they're right. What it does say is that we're allowing ourselves to suffer when our lifestate is low and we're kidding ourselves that the only way to escape all this is by seeking happiness outside ourselves. In other words, we tell ourselves the best way to beat the bad stuff is to reach out and grab some good stuff. And so the cycle continues ...

What's the solution? To make the determination to strengthen our lifestate and win in every moment no matter what. We achieve this by making fundamental changes to our way of being from the inside out. It's no good changing our environment - that will only lead to greater dependance. Instead, we must make the change from within. Everything we need is there already - all we need do is tap into it and take ownership and responsibility for each moment of our life. Only then can we move forward with true spirit and determination. That's not to say it's easy. Far from it in most cases, but the benefits are exponential. We even begin to embrace challenges as opportunities for growth - that's when we really know we're winning!

There is no short-cut to achieving change as sustainable as this - it builds over time. Yet it begins with the determination to win. I started this very same journey back in 2004 and have created a module specific to helping create this change. It provides genuine insight into how we can cut through the negative habits and patterns in our life to create a far greater existence for ourselves and others. Contact me on simon@rightlifecoaching.co.uk for more information.

INQUIRY: Look back over the last few weeks (and months if you prefer) at all the incidents that have sent you reeling from one emotional state to another - both good and not so good. How did you cope with them? Did you let them dictate to you, or did you claim ownership and win no matter what? What could you have done better?

ACTION: For the next month, beware of when you're allowing your environment to control you. Watch out for when you let the negative side of things get you down, and for when you cling to something positive in the hope it will make you feel better. If you find yourself bouncing from one lifestate to another then make a note of it - this means you're making steps in the right direction. When you're ready, contact simon@rightlifecoaching.co.uk to learn how to build on this and create a lifestate strong enough to withstand all challenges.

How To Stop Being Judgmental Of People And Situations

Personally, I find this a really difficult habit to break, because it’s so easy to judge a person or situation when I’m unsure of what’s really happening, e.g. a friend doesn’t call when they say they will, someone you’re meeting doesn’t turn up and you’re unable to contact them, you make a negative assessment of someone (or a situation) based on third party information, and so on. How easy is it to slander like this? All too easy, I think, because it’s human nature. And we can let it escalate by casting our mind back over all the occasions when this same person or organisation disappointed us before. Yet, how do we really know what’s going on behind the scenes, or what that person is going through, etc? In most cases we can’t, so we make a guess, otherwise known as a judgment. And all too often these are negative and slanderous, yet they’re often dumbfounded.

INQUIRY: How do we go about transforming this? Is it a case of getting in the routine of recognising when you’re doing it, and stopping it before it continues, i.e. letting go of the judgment and getting on with things?

For the next seven days, make a determination not to judge people and situations. That doesn’t mean adopting a carefree attitude, instead it means either releasing the whole process altogether, or replacing it with compassion and understanding. Have a look at where the other party is coming from? What are they going through?

Sometimes It's Better To Admit You Just Don't Know

For years I was guilty of making out I knew more than I did. Sometimes it was a case of trying to impress, other times it was not wanting to admit I was wrong, and other times it was not wanting to appear ignorant about a topic or situation. Yet on just about every occassion I was perfectly aware of what I was doing but felt unable to prevent it. It felt as though I had to provide this 'cover' for fear of being found out. Yet all it was doing was compounding the issue by drawing attention to that very weakness. In worst-case scenarios it would lead me to fighting my corner even when I knew I was absolutely in the wrong, and with nothing to substantiate my argument with. All it did was create a layer of arrogance to paper over the insecurity, yet I did little to fix it.

It wasn't until four years ago when my partner at the time made it abundantly clear to me how irritating it was, that I decided it had to stop. Thankfully her words resonated enough for me to literally make the shift overnight. With immediacy I went from saying, "I know," to offering a curteous acknowledgement; and from making out I knew something I quite clearly didn't to offering something intuitive or simply admitting I really didn't know.

To begin with it was strange because it felt awkward to 'display' such a vulnerability. But over time, that in itself became the benefit because it was actually a relief not to have to pretend anymore. A self-imposed weight had been lifted from my shoulders and it felt great. I could even say it grounded me in a way. And ever since, I've noticed how many other people behave in exactly the same way. And guess what ... it irritates me too! But I also undertand where they're coming from because I was in that same place - that makes a difference.

INQUIRY: How often do you say "I know" when being 'corrected' by someone more knowledgeable who is just trying to help? How often do you try to make out you know or understand something when really you don't? How much awareness of this do you have, and how do you feel when it just blurts out?

ACTION: For the next seven days, do the following and notice how different you feel; instead of saying, "I know," when offered correct 'advice' by someone, acknowledge them; instead of coming up with a 'smart' reply or comment when pretending you know something, let go of the pretense and admit you just don't know. You may find it far more liberating than you thought ... and it will make a difference to the way you see yourself and the way others see you too.

Goals And Determinations - How Measurable Should They Be?

I’ve been wondering lately if goals and determinations are one and the same. Goals to me are something you aspire to achieve – or rather, you want to achieve – whereas determinations are something you will achieve. Perhaps it’s a mindset thing? Either way, I know in myself I’m very determined to achieve my goals, which may well mean they’re not one in the same, i.e. the level of determination you call upon defines the nature of achieving your goal? Perhaps that in itself is something of an answer, hmm?

Then there’s the difference between making your goal/determination general and specific. For example, let’s say you believe you’re worthy of a pay rise – do you say to yourself, “I want to be earning more money in a couple of months,” or do you say, “I am determined by July 22nd, to be offered a £500/month pay-rise as of August’s payroll.” Alternatively, are you one of those who says, “By August, I will be earning a salary commensurate with the effort I put in and the value I create?” Hmm, that last one may require some thought.

INQUIRY: List some of the goals and determinations you have in mind for the next week, month and year, (and beyond if you like). How measurable are they? How will you know when you’ve achieved or exceeded them? And what motivates you to achieve them?

BTW, the Japanese word for determination is “decision”. Have a think about how this impacts the process of achievement.

Letting Go Of Providing An Answer For Everything

This is one of those really irritating habits that appears all too often, both when we pretend to know the answer (feeding our ego), and when we think we’re being helpful but know deep down we’re probably better off keeping quiet (another ego thing).

It’s definitely something I’ve been guilty of for years, and am only now beginning to quash. And I have to say that when I recognise it appearing, I get greater satisfaction in either remaining quiet, or saying something along the lines of “I don’t know.”

There’ll be more added to this shortly …

INQUIRY: How many occasions can you think of when you provided an answer, knowing it wasn’t the right thing to do. Were they with your partner, a friend, a colleague, or even someone you barely new? What would you do differently next time? Would you share the moment with them by just listening? Would you openly tell them you didn’t know the answer? Or would you do something else?

Analysing vs "Just Letting It Be"

I was on a course back in early May when I had the realisation that I no longer needed to be so analytical about everything. It came so out of the blue that I surprised myself when I didn’t even feel the need to analyse what had triggered it.

Since as far back as I can remember, I’ve been a thinker – a person who would analyse things – and would often be accused of over-analysing. Yet no-one had said to me, “Relax … just let it be …” All they would say was, “Stop analysing it,” and that would only incite me to analyse even more. You can see just how big I was on the whole analysing thing, eh? So when I had this shift in mindset during the course, I felt totally at ease without thinking about it. And it doesn’t matter that I don’t know where it’s come from. All I do know is that I’ve been attracting conversations ever since with people who’ve had the same experience. So I guess it’s happened for a reason – I just haven’t found what that is yet.

I’d just like to add that it’s made me feel ‘lighter’, perhaps even liberated, and that whatever it is I need to know comes to me at the right time. If I was to explain it, I’d say there may well be times in the future when I’ll need to think things through in more detail, but for the time being, I can ‘let it be.’ Off the top of my head, it’s like the feeling you get when something you want to say is on the tip of your tongue… then you forget all about it and suddenly it comes to you out of the blue, perhaps an hour later, a day later, or even a month later. Is it because we released attachment to forcing whatever it was we wanted to find out? Is it connected with the way our mind or consciousness works? Whatever it is, it’s working right now!

INQUIRY: Are you a thinker, or are you someone who prefers to let things work themselves out? How many profound experiences have you had based on this? Are you too changing the way you work things out?

Using Your Intuition

Throughout my life, my intuition has veered from one extreme to the other, rarely settling in the middle. Yet as a coach, we’re encouraged to experiment with it more and more, regardless of how unnatural or “off the mark” it appears. That’s all well and good, I thought, but surely you have to be careful (e.g. diplomatic), or else risk offending the other person. Either way, it didn’t really sit very comfortably with me.

Still, I determined to get to grips with it and kept blurting whatever came to mind. I wasn’t sure if I was experimenting with it, because by nature, I’m the sort of person who tends to speak their mind anyway – although this is definitely something I’ve reigned in of late. As was happening previously, my intuition were sometimes incredibly accurate, sometimes the total opposite. And it’s only been in the last few weeks that I can honestly say it’s ‘improving’, if that’s the right word. I think what’s happening is my intuition is feeding more and more on a diet of wisdom – where that’s coming from, I don’t yet know – but it’s certainly coming to the fore with better timing. To me, that currently feels neither right nor wrong – it’s just the way it is.

I’m also feeling my intuition working on the bigger picture … don’t know how to explain this, or what it means … not going to analyse it, just letting it be … will no doubt know more soon.

INQUIRY: How often do you call on your intuition? Do you use it only in the company of people you’re comfortable with, or are you happy blurting to anyone? How accurate is it?

ACTION: Check in with your intuition for the next seven days. Make a note of the impact it creates. Does anyone comment on it?